How to Climb the Emotional Scale From Negative Feelings to Good Feelings

You don’t have to jump from feeling bad to feeling wonderful. One small step toward relief, possibility, hope, and optimism can gradually lead you toward contentment, gratitude, and joy.

You Don’t Have to Feel Wonderful All at Once—Sometimes Feeling Just a Little Better Is Enough to Begin

Have you ever been in a bad mood and had someone tell you to think positively?

It usually doesn't help.

When you're worried, angry, disappointed, or frustrated, jumping immediately to happiness can feel impossible. Telling yourself that everything is wonderful when you don't believe it isn't likely to change how you feel.

There may be a gentler approach.

Instead of trying to jump from a negative feeling all the way to happiness, think of your emotions as a scale.

Your goal isn't necessarily to reach the top immediately.

Your goal is simply to move upward.

One feeling at a time.

What Is an Emotional Scale?

An emotional scale is a simple way of thinking about feelings as ranging from difficult and uncomfortable emotions to more pleasant ones.

At the lower end might be feelings such as:

Despair

Fear

Worry

Anger

Frustration

Discouragement

As you begin feeling somewhat better, you might experience:

Relief

Hope

Curiosity

Optimism

And further along:

Contentment

Gratitude

Enthusiasm

Joy

Real emotions aren't always this orderly. You might experience several emotions at once, and everyone moves through feelings differently.

The value of imagining a scale isn't deciding exactly where every emotion belongs.

It is recognizing that you don't have to travel from the bottom to the top in one enormous leap.

Ask Yourself One Simple Question

When you're feeling bad, try asking:

“What thought would feel just a little better than the one I'm thinking now?”

Notice that the question isn't:

“How can I be happy right now?”

That may be too big a jump.

Suppose you're worried about something that might happen.

You may not be able to sincerely tell yourself:

“Everything is going to be perfect.”

You don't know that.

Instead, you might think:

“I don't know what will happen yet.”

That thought may feel slightly better.

Then:

“I've handled unexpected situations before.”

A little better.

Then:

“There may be options I haven't considered yet.”

Better again.

Then perhaps:

“I'll deal with it when I know more.”

Now you may have moved from worry toward relief without forcing yourself to pretend that the original concern never existed.

That's climbing the emotional scale.

From Anger to Something Better

Anger can be particularly interesting because underneath it there may be disappointment, hurt, fear, or frustration.

Trying to leap from anger directly into gratitude may feel ridiculous when you're genuinely upset.

Start closer to where you actually are.

“I am angry about what happened.”

Then perhaps:

“I don't want to spend my entire day thinking about this.”

That is already a shift.

Then:

“I can't change what happened, but I can decide what I do next.”

Now you've moved toward control.

Eventually you might reach:

“This doesn't deserve any more of my energy today.”

And suddenly there is a little relief.

You didn't deny the anger.

You moved through it.

From Discouragement to Hope

Discouragement often tells you that something isn't working.

Perhaps you have been trying to accomplish something and aren't seeing the results you expected.

The discouraged thought might be:

“Nothing I do works.”

Jumping immediately to “Everything I do is successful!” probably won't feel believable.

Try something smaller.

“This hasn't worked yet.”

Notice the difference one word makes.

Yet.

Then perhaps:

“Maybe I need a different approach.”

Then:

“There are probably things I haven't tried.”

Then:

“I could try one small thing and see what happens.”

Now discouragement has begun turning into possibility.

Possibility can become curiosity.

Curiosity can become motivation.

And motivation can eventually become excitement.

Sometimes the climb happens through very small thoughts.

Look for Relief Before Happiness

Relief deserves more attention.

People often think the goal should always be happiness, but when you're deeply worried or upset, relief can feel wonderful.

Relief might sound like:

“I don't have to solve this today.”

“I can think about this tomorrow.”

“I know what my next step is.”

“This isn't as bad as I first thought.”

“I have options.”

“I can ask for help.”

“One problem doesn't mean everything is going wrong.”

Relief creates breathing room.

And once you have breathing room, other good feelings often have somewhere to enter.

Do Something That Changes Your Focus

Thoughts aren't the only way to move up the emotional scale.

Sometimes you need to stop thinking about the problem for a while.

Take a shower.

Make a cup of tea.

Go outside.

Work on a hobby.

Cook something.

Clean a drawer.

Listen to music you enjoy.

Read.

Work on a creative project.

Call someone who makes you laugh.

Watch something funny.

None of these things necessarily solves the original problem.

That's not always the point.

Sometimes your mind needs a break from circling the same thoughts.

When you return to the situation later, it may look different.

Don't Keep Checking to See Whether You're Happy Yet

Imagine climbing a staircase while stopping on every step to ask:

“Am I at the top yet?”

It would make the climb exhausting.

Emotional improvement can work the same way.

You don't need to constantly analyze whether you're feeling better.

Let yourself become interested in something else.

There may come a moment when you suddenly realize:

“I haven't thought about that problem for an hour.”

That's progress.

Your Surroundings Can Help

Your environment can influence how you feel too.

Open the curtains.

Let some sunlight into the room.

Clear clutter from the place where you spend the most time.

Put fresh sheets on the bed.

Wear something you like.

Bring flowers inside.

Light a pleasant candle if you enjoy them.

Sit somewhere comfortable.

Small physical changes can send your mind a simple message:

Something is different now.

Sometimes that is enough to interrupt a negative emotional pattern.

Pay Attention to the Thoughts That Pull You Back Down

You may begin feeling better and suddenly remember the problem.

Down you go again.

That's normal.

You haven't failed.

You simply noticed what happened.

Instead of becoming frustrated with yourself, try thinking:

“I don't need to go there again right now.”

Then redirect your attention.

The more often you practice shifting your focus, the easier it may become to recognize when your thoughts are taking you somewhere you don't want to stay.

You Don't Have to Earn a Good Feeling

Sometimes people resist feeling better because they believe the problem hasn't been solved yet.

They think:

“How can I relax when this is still happening?”

But feeling bad doesn't necessarily solve the problem either.

You are allowed to enjoy lunch while you have an unresolved problem.

You are allowed to laugh.

You are allowed to enjoy a beautiful afternoon.

You are allowed to become interested in something else.

You are allowed to have a good day even when one part of your life isn't going well.

Feeling better isn't ignoring reality.

It can help give you the clearer mind you need to deal with reality.

You May Not Reach the Top Every Day

Some days, moving from worry to relief may be enough.

Another day, you might move from frustration to curiosity.

Sometimes you may wake up feeling wonderful without doing anything at all.

Emotions move.

That's what they do.

The goal isn't to remain permanently at the top of an imaginary emotional scale.

The goal is to remember that when you find yourself somewhere you don't want to stay, you may be able to move.

Even one step matters.

The Next Better Feeling

The next time you are having a difficult day, don't demand happiness from yourself.

Look for the next better feeling.

If you are worried, look for a little relief.

If you are discouraged, look for possibility.

If you are frustrated, look for a different approach.

If you are bored, look for curiosity.

If you're content, notice it.

If you're hopeful, enjoy it.

And when happiness appears, let yourself experience that too.

You don't have to climb the entire emotional scale today.

Just look for the next step.

Sometimes one slightly better thought leads to another.

And another.

Until one day you realize you aren't trying so hard to feel good anymore.

You simply do.