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What You Focus On Grows in Your Mind—So Give More Attention to the Life You Want to Experience
Have you ever noticed how one irritating little thing can take over an otherwise perfectly good day?
Someone makes a rude comment.
Something doesn't go as planned.
You receive a bill you weren't expecting.
You remember something somebody said three weeks ago.
And suddenly your mind grabs hold of it.
You think about it while making breakfast.
You think about it while driving.
You think about it while working.
You tell someone about it.
Then you think about their reaction to it.
Hours later, the original event may be long over, but it is still happening inside your head.
Nothing new has actually occurred.
You are simply giving it more attention.
And attention is powerful.
Your Attention Has a Direction
Think of your attention as a flashlight.
Whatever you point it toward becomes easier to see.
Point it toward everything that is going wrong, and before long it can seem as though your entire life is going wrong.
Point it toward what is working, what you can do, what you're enjoying, and what you're looking forward to, and a different picture begins to appear.
This doesn't mean the unpleasant things disappear.
They simply stop occupying the entire stage.
The question becomes:
Where am I pointing my attention?
Problems Need Attention—But Not Always Constant Attention
Of course some problems need your attention.
If the car breaks down, ignoring it won't repair the car.
If a bill needs paying, positive thinking won't mail the payment.
If there is a misunderstanding, a conversation may be necessary.
If something needs to be done, do what you reasonably can.
But after you have taken the appropriate action, there comes a point when thinking about the problem is no longer productive.
You have made the call.
You sent the email.
You scheduled the appointment.
You made the decision.
You did the research.
You took the next step.
Now you're waiting.
At that point, continuing to worry isn't additional action.
It's just additional worry.
Ask This Question
When you catch yourself repeatedly thinking about something unpleasant, ask:
“Does this need my action, or does it just have my attention?”
That's a very different question from:
“How do I make this problem disappear?”
Maybe you can't make it disappear today.
But perhaps you can stop giving it every available minute of your attention.
If action is needed, take action.
If action isn't possible right now, redirect your attention.
That's not avoidance.
That's knowing when you've done enough for the moment.
Replaying Something Doesn't Change It
We humans have an interesting habit.
We replay conversations.
Someone says something we don't like and later we think:
“I should have said this.”
Then we imagine saying it.
Then we imagine what the other person would have said.
Then we come up with an even better response.
Pretty soon we're having an entire imaginary argument with someone who isn't even in the room. 😂
Meanwhile, the other person may be happily eating lunch and hasn't thought about the conversation since it happened.
Who is still experiencing the unpleasant moment?
We are.
Sometimes the healthiest response is:
“That happened. I didn't like it. And I'm finished with it.”
You don't have to keep renewing the subscription.
Be Careful With “What If?”
“What if?” can be useful.
It helps us anticipate problems and prepare.
But “what if?” can also become a factory producing problems that don't exist.
What if this happens?
What if that happens?
What if this doesn't work?
What if something goes wrong?
Ask another question:
“What do I actually know right now?”
Maybe what you know is:
Nothing has happened yet.
I have a plan.
I'll know more tomorrow.
I have handled difficult things before.
If something changes, I'll deal with it then.
That's much easier to live with than twenty imaginary disasters.
Give Solutions More Attention Than Problems
Once you understand a problem, continuing to describe it doesn't necessarily help.
Move toward solutions.
Instead of:
“This isn't working.”
Try:
“What could work?”
Instead of:
“I can't afford that.”
Try:
“What are my alternatives?”
Instead of:
“I don't know how to do this.”
Try:
“Where could I learn?”
Instead of:
“Everything keeps going wrong.”
Try:
“What is one thing I can improve?”
The problem may be exactly the same.
But your attention has changed direction.
Now you're looking for possibilities.
And possibilities feel very different from helplessness.
Stop Collecting Evidence for a Bad Day
This one can sneak up on you.
Something goes wrong in the morning.
Then another little thing happens.
You think:
“See? It's one of those days.”
Now your mind has been given an assignment:
Find more evidence that today is terrible.
And it will!
Traffic.
A slow computer.
Something spills.
Someone doesn't return your call.
The grocery store is out of something.
Evidence! Evidence everywhere! 😂
Try refusing the assignment.
Something went wrong this morning.
That's all.
It doesn't get to predict the afternoon.
Look for What's Also True
When something negative happens, ask yourself:
“What else is true?”
Yes, I'm dealing with this problem.
And I had a lovely morning.
Yes, that person irritated me.
And I don't have to spend the evening thinking about them.
Yes, something unexpected happened.
And I already know my next step.
Yes, I'm worried about something.
And there are many things in my life that are okay right now.
Two things can be true at the same time.
A problem can exist without becoming the definition of your life.
Give More Attention to What You Want
We spend a surprising amount of time thinking about what we don't want.
I don't want this problem.
I don't want another bill.
I don't want to deal with that person.
I don't want this to happen.
Try turning the question around:
“What do I want instead?”
Maybe you want peace.
A solution.
Financial stability.
A comfortable home.
Interesting work.
Better relationships.
More creativity.
More laughter.
More time for yourself.
A pleasant afternoon.
A good night's sleep.
Something exciting to look forward to.
Once you know what you want, ask:
“Is there anything I can do today that moves me a little closer to it?”
Now your attention has somewhere useful to go.
Fill Your Life With Things Worth Noticing
Redirecting your attention becomes easier when your life contains things that genuinely interest you.
Have projects.
Learn things.
Create things.
Make plans.
Cook.
Sew.
Garden.
Read.
Write.
Walk.
Decorate.
Build something.
Research an idea.
Call someone who makes you laugh.
Plan something you're looking forward to.
Enjoy your morning drink.
Watch the sunset.
Your mind needs somewhere to go.
Give it somewhere interesting.
The goal isn't to stay so busy that you never think about problems.
It's to remember that problems aren't the only things available for your attention.
You Decide What Gets the Best Seat
Imagine that your attention is valuable real estate.
Not everything deserves the penthouse. 😂
Some things deserve five minutes.
Some deserve an afternoon.
Some deserve careful planning.
Some deserve immediate action.
And some things deserve absolutely nothing more than:
“Well, that was annoying.”
Then you move on.
You don't have unlimited mental energy.
Be selective about where you spend it.
Redirecting Your Attention Takes Practice
You may decide you're finished thinking about something and discover yourself thinking about it again ten minutes later.
That's okay.
Notice it.
Then redirect again.
And again if necessary.
You aren't failing because the thought returned.
You're practicing choosing where your attention goes next.
Eventually you may become much quicker at recognizing:
“I'm doing it again.”
And that awareness gives you a choice.
Your Attention Helps Shape Your Experience
You cannot control everything that happens around you.
Life will still contain disappointments, interruptions, difficult people, uncertainty, bills, delays, mistakes, and surprises.
But those things don't have to receive equal access to your mind.
Give problems enough attention to handle them.
Give solutions enough attention to find them.
Give possibilities enough attention to recognize them.
And give the good things in your life enough attention to actually experience them.
Because sometimes the good isn't missing.
We're simply looking somewhere else.
Choose Where You Point It
Your attention has a direction.
Every day, countless things compete for it.
Some are important.
Some are useful.
Some are beautiful.
Some are funny.
Some need action.
And some are simply noise.
You don't have to give everything equal time.
So when you notice that your thoughts have become stuck on something you don't want, ask yourself:
“Does this need my action, or does it just have my attention?”
Handle what needs handling.
Release what doesn't.
Then turn your attention toward something worth experiencing.
A solution.
A possibility.
A project.
A peaceful moment.
A good conversation.
Something you're creating.
Something you're looking forward to.
Something that makes you smile.
You may discover that changing the direction of your attention doesn't change everything around you.
But it can change an enormous amount about the life you're experiencing right now.
